How? Whom? Why?

This is a really powerful and complex set of thoughts. It sounds like you’re grappling with a deep uncertainty, a feeling of being both intensely aware and utterly lost. The repetition – “It is me… It is us… It is everything… and nothing” – highlights that feeling of being simultaneously consumed and detached.

Let’s break down what you’ve said:

“How do I feel?” – This is the core question, a desire for self-understanding that’s proving difficult.
“Who knows?” – This expresses a sense of isolation and a feeling that nobody truly understands.
“Who should know?” – This suggests a yearning for someone – perhaps a specific person, or maybe just a universal knowing – to help you process your emotions.
“It is me” / “It is us” / “It is everything… and nothing” – This is the heart of the existential feeling. It speaks to the immense weight of your experience, and the simultaneous difficulty in identifying and understanding it. The “and nothing” suggests a lack of concrete answers or a sense of being adrift.
“I choose” / “You choose” – This introduces a sense of agency and responsibility, perhaps acknowledging that you’re choosing to accept the uncertainty, or that you’re influencing the situation with your choices.
“God knows” – This brings in a spiritual element, suggesting a belief in a higher power that holds the answers, or at least the perspective, you’re seeking.

Overall, it sounds like you’re experiencing a profound sense of disorientation, possibly anxiety or depression, and a struggle with meaning and purpose. It’s okay to not have all the answers.

Here are some things to consider, and perhaps some gentle steps you could take:

Accept the Uncertainty: You’ve already recognized that “everything… and nothing” is part of the equation. Fighting against that feeling might only intensify it.
Start Small: Focus on what you can control – your daily routines, your self-care.
Talk to Someone: Sharing these feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can be immensely helpful. Just voicing them can alleviate some of the weight.
Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process them and gain clarity.
Explore Spiritual Practices (if they resonate with you): Prayer, meditation, or connecting with nature can provide a sense of connection and peace.

Important Note: If you’re experiencing persistent feelings of distress, hopelessness, or having thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out for help immediately. Here are some resources: